Texts From A Marriage
As you might have seen, my husband and I had a sad event occur recently. Whilst it was easily the worst thing that has happened to us as a marital unit, it has ultimately strengthened us. Hard times are the greatest test of any relationship, and we appear to have passed that test. I figured, therefore, that Now is the perfect time to share the post I’ve been brewing for a while. A post that celebrates a marriage. Or rather, the texts from a marriage. Because, Spoilers: marriage isn’t always (ever) hearts and roses and kissy face texts and waltzing round the living room at 10pm.
Most of the time, marriage (with kids, anyway) is texting each other photos of the latest object your three year old has shoved down the loo and then landed a massive turd on. Without kids, I seem to remember it being about texting each other photos of rude place names.
But anyway. Here are some texts from a marriage. An actual adult marriage. I swear.
I’ll start you off with this classic, sent to me from my husband whilst he was in Germany for work. This is the type of romantic texting that goes on when we are apart. Not that we delight in toilet humour or anything. Nuh-uh. Totally not.
(This still makes me almost wee myself laughing).
Sticking to the food theme, it’s always good to have someone around to rescue me from Myself:
There are texts that make me remember why I married the guy.
(These are Ben & Jerry’s flavours, FYI).
Yep, in December 2016 I sat behind Andrew from GBBO whilst he had his hair cut and stared at him in the mirror until it became uncomfortable.
There are texts that make the guy remember why he married me:
But, yeah, there are also the texts that make me want to smash his head into a wall…
Never ask your husband if your new iMac that you’re super excited about has arrived. Because you’ll get an answer like this.
That wasn’t the next question, FYI.
I had forgotten about Liam Lynch. Not so my husband.
This was when I was poorly. SUPER poorly with norovirus. And I had to have this beyond irritating text conversation just to get my husband to bring me a sodding blanket.
I got him back though:
And I do very much enjoy pointing out to my darling husband that he often sounds like he’s talking to a work colleague rather than his wife:
“All figures are approximate” – I MEAN.
To be fair though, at other times he lets his natural dorkiness shine through:
It’s an amp. AN AMP. His “baby”. Sigh.
Ah yes, I love it when he turns my favourite jokey insult into a joke itself *eye roll*.
We do have some sexy talk though. Kind of. Almost.
Sadly though, most of our chat is probably dominated by stuff like this:
And this (thanks, autocorrect):
Furthermore, I can tell you now that for as long as we are together I am never EVER going to let him forget the time that I sent him a photo of our beautiful son sleeping and he responded with a photo of the bar outside his hotel room:
There are also texts that I still, to this day, do not understand. And he now doesn’t either. Or so he says…
Never found out who “she” was.
Overall though, for every text where he doesn’t seem to understand basic human needs…
…there are texts where he really displays what it means to be married. What it means to be in a marriage. A perfect partnership built upon support, trust, teamwork, and compassion. A partnership where you discover the same things at the same time and help each other through the maze of new experiences. I mean, when you start playing Pokemon Go together, this kind of text just makes your DAY, y’know?